Burn the pages

Move

2007-02-14T02:15:36Z

Belief-O-Matic

2007-02-07T05:13:50Z

Like someone else I hold in high regard, I think I need to do some soul searching of my own.

My Belief-O-Matic results:
1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (91%)
3. Reform Judaism (90%)
4. New Age (83%)
5. Mahayana Buddhism (80%)
6. Liberal Quakers (78%)
7. Hinduism (77%)
8. Scientology (77%)
9. Sikhism (76%)
10. New Thought (73%)
11. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%)
12. Jainism (67%)
13. Orthodox Judaism (67%)
14. Bahá'í Faith (64%)
15. Secular Humanism (63%)
16. Islam (59%)
17. Theravada Buddhism (57%)
18. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%)
19. Taoism (47%)
20. Nontheist (46%)
21. Orthodox Quaker (42%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (35%)
23. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (33%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (27%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (26%)
26. Roman Catholic (26%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (16%)

'• Origin of Universe and Life
Generally, there is no conflict between observations revealed through science and Neo-Pagan beliefs on origins of the physical universe and of man. Many believe in a supreme intelligence that created a duality of God/Goddess who then created a spirit world of gods and goddesses as well as all of the universe and nature.

• After Death
Many believe in reincarnation after some rest and recovery in the "Otherworld." There is generally no concept of hell as a place of punishment, but some believe wrongdoing can trap the soul in state of suffering after death. Some (Wicca) believe the soul joins their dead ancestors who watch over and protect their family. Some believe that life energy continues in some, if unknown, form. Some believe in various spiritual resting places. Many say we don't or can't know what happens after death.

• Why Evil?
"Evil" is imbalance. Most believe there is no evil but rather that people sometimes make mistakes. Wrongdoing results when we forget we are one with the universal spirit. '

Some of that sounds right. I believe in the power of choice, and that there's divinity in each and everyone of us because we're awesome. Other than that, I leave religion alone. My life is my own little journey of discovery, and I have a difficult enough time with that as it is. I'll leave the cosmic truth up to the cosmic type folk, thank ye kindly.

why'd you ever sing with me?

2007-02-02T08:04:52Z

My life's taken too many interesting turns recently. I can appreciate the occasional oddity, but I've reached the point where I want to dig my heels in and scream, "Enough!" at whoever's been pulling my chain. Overall and underneath every color I've painted myself in, I'm a placid and boring person. I enjoy sitting quietly and watching the drama of lives unfold and refold around me, again and again into a strange and almost beautiful structure. I revel in the glow of my insignificance, because I'm part of the scenery while the lives of those around me take center stage.

My morning started with a shriek and my brother walking, still half asleep down the stairs. His eyes weren't completely open before he said, "I need a knife and a bucket." Oh, young James. If only those two simple things could solve all of life's infuriating little mysteries. I looked into the impossibly dark, beady eyes of a small rodent and saw my failures looming there. My heart pounded and my feline companion studiously ignored my terror and my verminous nemesis. Xander could have cared less that my heart was rattling right out of my chest. It looks like I'll have to find myself another knight to champion me.

The morning slipped into midmorning, and the grey-golden hue of afternoon as the sun wrestled with fog. My permanent retainer was torn from my mouth in jagged pieces that left my throat bloody and scratched as I choked. To my mild amusement, the person with whom I was engaged in conversation did not even lend a pause to my struggle to regain my breathing. Her words continued in the same lilting pattern of syllables. For a moment, I was indignant. That feeling simmered out quickly. And I could only laugh and laugh and laugh at the empty absurdity of it all.

And I leaned against the wall when I felt those blue-green eyes on me. Are you insane? those eyes asked. Well, of course I am. We're all mad here. But those eyes that shone with pride last May, they were crazy and reflecting a thousand different things. And under that pride, there's a shame that still lingers. And how do I know? I know that she knows for the rest of her life, all the songs that make her shake will be by me.

Tonight, Constantine is drowning. But there's nothing I can do to save him. I reached out but he wouldn't take my hand. I know that I could never give him the kind of love he craves. But I've offered love nonetheless. And I remember how I used to hold him, with all that I was. But even then I knew I could never touch the part of him that needs it the most. That cold place no one's hands can touch. Because Constantine's a fool with a dreamer's disease. Each little disappointment takes away pieces - and soon disappointment will be all that's left of him

And I know, almost as well as I know my own name, that above and beyond us, Annabelle's weeping for all that we've become.

kyliezombie @ 2007-01-28T22:52:00

2007-01-29T06:53:34Z

Cause I wanna love
I wanna live
I don't know much about it
I never did,
I don't know what to do, can the damage be undone
I swore to God that I'd never be what I've become
Lucky stars and fairy tales
I'm gonna bathe myself in a wishin' well
Pretty scars from cigarettes
I never will forget, I never will forget
I'm still afraid to be alone
wish that moon would follow me home
I leave the light on
I ain't that bad I'm just messed up
I ain't that sad but I'm sad enough
God bless the child with the dirty face who cuts her luck with a dirty ace
She leaves the light on, I leave that light on

Winter break means this shit must get done.

2006-12-27T03:20:50Z

School let out on last Tuesday afternoon around one thirty. I threw a "cookie decorating gathering" last Thursday. Then I worked three eight hour shifts back-to-back Friday through Christmas Eve. Max picked me up from work and took me to my Aunt Janet's on the 24th. Then yesterday we went to my uncle's for Christmas dinner, and afterward Max was in a play as an evil king father and I got to kill him with a vacuum because the plastic pitchfork went missing. This was filmed, unfortunately. Flashforward to today. Max and I got our first "professional couple" pictures taken. Cool digs. Oh, Max spent the night last night, and this morning I went down around 7:30 to watch Aladdin with him and cuddle. Now my mom is pissed at me for taking advantage of her. Jeeshus, I'm a big big slut all right. The "we need to talk" line was uttered by my beloved parent. Damn, I hate those convos. Oh well. I know she doesn't like me to lie down with him. My fault. I should be more assertive with him. Maybe then he'll mope more.

UPDATE at 10:28 PM
And now, onto the Winter Break To Do List:
1. Clean the fucking batcave (read: my room)
2. Outline 8-10 lessons for American History - 1/10 outlines completed
3. Finish Core journal - 14% complete. (wow I am a loser lol)
4. Make a Roman Column for Convention
5. Go through massive collection of books and sort for charity - 4 bags full of books for charity, one bookshelf unit half done
6. Do the same for clothing
7. Be very very nice to the family
8. Go over Alg II handbook with Max and learn something
9. Make a painting with the theme "Carpe Diem"
10. Order 1000 Pieces of Gold off of Amazon, read, and outline/highlight
11. Finish B&W drawing for Convention

Bahamian IV drips, orange shoelaces, "touch me and I'll rip off your arm, beat you with it, and

2006-11-27T21:02:12Z

throw it overboard!"

Brother James got on the nerves again, and will not climb down. Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes is not my assignment, biznitch. Huck Finn is though.

MARGARET! I have your TMBG CD Compilations...and they're waiting for lift-off into your hot little hands.

SUNBURNT.

UHN....GOING TO MARYLAND, MAINE, NY, et all. East Coast over Spring Break. It has been confirmed =DDDDDDDDD

Purple

2006-11-15T05:34:59Z

Yesterday, while Kim was doing my nails, she said, "Wow, you really like purple, don't you?" She was looking at my ring - the amethyst in it looks like a hunk of fossilized Dimetap. The nail color I chose was pale violet with blue sparkles. Kim was looking at either side of temples suspiciously. "Lift your hair," she said. I did. "Ah-hah! I knew it, purple earrings!" Incidentally, I had painted my toenails purple earlier last week. My color fetish was apparent to everyone but me.

I blame my boyfriend.

Brace disgrace soon to be over!

2006-11-14T01:37:43Z

Tomorrow, my braces are coming off!

But I have a shitload to do before tomorrow, homeworkwise.

Oh jubulance!

All alone in my pajamas

2006-11-12T15:13:47Z

I think my cat is out to get me. He let me sleep from 9-2, and afterward he'd wake me up every fifteen minutes, meowing hysterically. Around five fifteen this morning, I had finally had it. So, I was up before the sun and not very happy. As opposed to my cat, who has stopped meowing. He won't even cuddle with me for all my trouble. Little wretch. No treats for him today, no sir.

My teachers are all out to get me too. I have the insanest amount of homework in the history of man. I swear, they all met up and plotted evilly. Conniving and plotting to bog down my weekendly activities.

Physics - Fatty packet on things we learned in 50 minutes!
Religion (EMJ)- paper on a person of conscience; "T" of the STOP project
Algebra II - 20 Problems. I'm not sweating this.
History - Research paper on "The Era of the Common Man"; reading notes; 10.1
English - 3 page paper on Red Badge topic
Latin - Sappho Project

Ladies and gentlemen, I spent about five hours all together working on homework on Friday and Saturday. This is what I have left.

PLUS! I need to help my brother on his Roll of Thunder paper. And I haven't read it in years!

Ah well. I have two hours left.

Homework hell.

2006-11-10T02:26:07Z

Oh my god. I have so much homework I don't know what to do.

Ludi

2006-10-31T06:37:38Z

Ludi was wonderful. The weather was very, very nice.
I took upscale 200 pictures, but I do not feel like posting them all. So.

Max Hartman and Susan A. doing cartwheels on the large circular lawn.

Halloween is tomorrow

2006-10-30T21:08:49Z

First of all, this weekend was not bad at all. I've just been tired as a dead cat.

Saturday was Ludi Octoberes (The Games of October for you non-Latin students). My mom drove me to that school place in Palo Alto, so I did not have to take the bus! Stopped at Starbucks and had a garbage muffin. Blech. Then we arrived and my mom read her book all day. Yay Mrs. Kylie's Mom the Chaperone! There was nothing else for her to do and she was bored. Competed in Certamen, but sadly didn't place because half of our answers were "John Proctor! Farce! Lies! You are Abigail Williams!" That's what I get for being on Team John Proctor though. Douglas placed first in the HS3 division which is really rad. I think I got something for the Latin Derivatives test I took. Score! Hung out with Heather Fox, which was uber-OK. And Lena Frostestad, which was surprisingly really cool. She was very sweet and pretty chill. That just goes to show that you shouldn't always trust what you hear.

Sunday was spent getting closer to Max. Which was really sweet. Picked up Red Badge of Courage from BN, heretoforthforever to be known now as Red Badge. Anyway picked that up for English. Chilled. Ate a lot of food that reaped vengeance upon my unworthy soul (and tummy). Carved pumpkins. Kind of tense. I carved a "princess pumpkin" which is basically albino.

English next. Don't want to go. Didn't want to go to school today. Here anyway, in the library. Wishing I was asleep. Could sleep in English, but it is not as comfy as my bed. Me no gusta.

Quarter break

2006-10-19T18:25:49Z

I only had three days of "instruction" in school. Monday and Tuesday I took midterms, all of which were marvelously not-hard. Except Algebra II. I'm sure I missed the last two pages of problems completely. The sad part is, I actually studied for well over a week. I did practice problems, mock midterms, and completed the study guide many times over. I can't win for losing in that class! Ah well, I will have my C and that will be that. Extra credit after midterms is the best. Except the fact that midterm grades are published before certain students can boost their grades. I worked really hard this quarter. Hopefully, that will pay off somewhere on paper. Yesterday I took the PSAT, which was no big deal. The lowest possible grade I could have gotten is a 225(0) out of 240(0). Which is shweet. Considering that UC's only require something like 1650 out of 2400 for admissions.

And college, college, college has been on my mind. I'm forming my top "10" and most importantly, my top 6. Filling out my little template of college info. Nar. I feel...dorky.
This is what I have been doing with my spare time for the last two weeks:

College:	Tufts University
Website address:	http://tufts.edu/
Phone number:	(617) 628-5000
Tuition:	$34,730 (out of state and living on campus)
Financial Aid/Scholarships Average financial aid package: Meet need?: Merit scholarships available: Average student-loan debt upon graduation:	· Average financial aid package: $25,199 · Average need-based loan: $3,025 · Average need-based scholarship or grant award: $23,271 · Average non-need based aid: $500 · Average indebtedness at graduation: $14,400
Location and Community Distance from home: Surrounding community: Sororities:	2695 miles Boston Yes
Size Students in attendance: Students living on campus:	Degree-seeking undergrads: 5,048 First-time degree-seeking freshmen: 1,363 Graduate enrollment: 3,051
Campus Life Facilities: Social atmosphere: Religious affiliations:
Activities Extra curricular activities (ranked according to interest): Sports:	American Medical Student Association at Tufts (assists members of communities in need of aid and education/global primary cares and inequalities) Sharewood Project (run by medical students and staff helping communities with very little means through free clinics) Global Health Interests Group (international work in first year) Intramural Volleyball (Spring) Club Women’s Ultimate Frisbee (Spring) Club Women’s Rugby (Fall)
Academics Student/faculty ratio: My major offered: Special programs: Academic pressures:	17:1 Yes. Major: Premed, minor: Latin
Admissions Requirements Mid-range SAT: Mid-range ACT: SAT subject tests required: Other required tests:
Housing/Dorm Life Living in dorm required?: Avg. number of students to dorm: Distance of dorms from campus: Apartment complexes nearby?:	First-Year Students Guaranteed On-Campus Housing 98% of first-year students live in college housing 75% of all undergraduates live in college housing Coed Housing Women's Housing Cooperative Housing Fraternity/Sorority Housing Special Housing For Disabled Students Wellness housing
Ranking Safety Realistic Reach	Most likely: reach

Nonsense, doctor, the heart won't beat.

2006-10-09T01:04:41Z

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Maria is your soulmate.

You truly love Max.

You consider Daniella your true friend.

You know that Nicole is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Stephanie for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Naomi is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Margaret is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Douglas is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Douglas changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Adam is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Adam has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

Thomas bowled! It was fantastic.

So unlike me

2006-10-08T17:11:01Z

So, on Friday I was a big no-show. I slept for eighteen hours, and combined with the sleep I got on Friday night and Saturday morning - I slept 28 hours out of 48. That was really weird, seeing as I usually can't go anymore than six hours lying about before waking up. I collapsed on Thursday night. That was it. My mom thought I had the flu or something. Looks like it was or something, because I feel a lot better. But I still feel light headed and out-of-bodyish. Something's got to give.

Yesterday, I saw Max on a Saturday for a change. Which just makes me feel lonely today. After working 11-3 at Longs (I kept calling my manager Miguel by the name of my other manager, Logan. Whoops!), Max took me to the Bowl for a mediocre sandwich and barfy salad. Then we went to see the Guardian at the 10. It was actually good except for it kept dragging during the last hour. It was annoying. Then we spent a lot of time in Barnes and Noble. He got me a four cheese and tomato sandwich which was magnificent. And then we talked.

Today - is Thomas's big class birthday party. At the Brentwood Bowl. Yes. Maybe Margaret will accidentally show up. And other kids. Yes that would be marvelous but may not and probably will not happen.

Stupid history paper won't write itself. Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Jefferson can bite my big white butt.