| Feb. 1st, 2007 @ 11:00 pm why'd you ever sing with me? |
|---|
Current Mood:  cold
My life's taken too many interesting turns recently. I can appreciate the occasional oddity, but I've reached the point where I want to dig my heels in and scream, "Enough!" at whoever's been pulling my chain. Overall and underneath every color I've painted myself in, I'm a placid and boring person. I enjoy sitting quietly and watching the drama of lives unfold and refold around me, again and again into a strange and almost beautiful structure. I revel in the glow of my insignificance, because I'm part of the scenery while the lives of those around me take center stage.
My morning started with a shriek and my brother walking, still half asleep down the stairs. His eyes weren't completely open before he said, "I need a knife and a bucket." Oh, young James. If only those two simple things could solve all of life's infuriating little mysteries. I looked into the impossibly dark, beady eyes of a small rodent and saw my failures looming there. My heart pounded and my feline companion studiously ignored my terror and my verminous nemesis. Xander could have cared less that my heart was rattling right out of my chest. It looks like I'll have to find myself another knight to champion me.
The morning slipped into midmorning, and the grey-golden hue of afternoon as the sun wrestled with fog. My permanent retainer was torn from my mouth in jagged pieces that left my throat bloody and scratched as I choked. To my mild amusement, the person with whom I was engaged in conversation did not even lend a pause to my struggle to regain my breathing. Her words continued in the same lilting pattern of syllables. For a moment, I was indignant. That feeling simmered out quickly. And I could only laugh and laugh and laugh at the empty absurdity of it all.
And I leaned against the wall when I felt those blue-green eyes on me. Are you insane? those eyes asked. Well, of course I am. We're all mad here. But those eyes that shone with pride last May, they were crazy and reflecting a thousand different things. And under that pride, there's a shame that still lingers. And how do I know? I know that she knows for the rest of her life, all the songs that make her shake will be by me.
Tonight, Constantine is drowning. But there's nothing I can do to save him. I reached out but he wouldn't take my hand. I know that I could never give him the kind of love he craves. But I've offered love nonetheless. And I remember how I used to hold him, with all that I was. But even then I knew I could never touch the part of him that needs it the most. That cold place no one's hands can touch. Because Constantine's a fool with a dreamer's disease. Each little disappointment takes away pieces - and soon disappointment will be all that's left of him
And I know, almost as well as I know my own name, that above and beyond us, Annabelle's weeping for all that we've become. |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kyliezombie's journal
cranky
jubilant
anxious
curious